Digest: What Makes People Ruin Their Lives?

Jennifer Taylor, Lawyer, Writer and Professional Storyteller answered on Quora:

I believe that there are 3 main things that ruin people’s lives. It does not happen instantly or during a single event, but slow and steady over time.

I. They Can’t Get Off the Consumption Treadmill

The “Keeping Up with the Joneses” idiom refers to when an individual constantly upgrades their lifestyle because they see their neighbours doing the same and do not want to be perceived as having an inferior socioeconomic status. For example, you may buy a new Mercedes because you noticed your friend just bought a new BMW. You upgrade your iPhone because your co-worker has the newest version.

This is dangerous for two reasons.

First and foremost, you will always lose. New products are coming out every single second, with brilliant marketers selling you on why you need it in your life.

You will also start to develop the mindset that happiness can be obtained through the pursuit of bigger and better possessions. This is a recipe for disaster. It also shows to your friends, family and colleagues that you value style over substance.

Second, this is a sure-fire way to never accumulate wealth. In order to generate true wealth, you have to live within your means.

I live a frugal lifestyle. I only purchase indulgences that truly optimize my happiness. I still eat sushi, get drinks with friends and buy coffee at Starbucks. However, these are all done within moderation are ultimately constrained by my budget. Since I do not engage in these activities every single day, it actually optimizes the pleasure I receive from these indulgences when I do have them.

We need to be more mindful about what we consume.

II. They Lack Discipline

You need habits.

You need routine.

You need values.

Without either one of these things, you will be directionless and unproductive.

I would not be able to write 20 hours every week while working as a full-time lawyer without a rigid daily routine.

During Monday to Friday, I wake up at 5:30 AM, make coffee, sit down at my desk and write for an hour and a half. I then shower, eat breakfast and get ready for work. On my half an hour commute to and from work, I read either on my iPad or a physical book. When I return home in the evening I write for at least another hour. An hour before I sleep, I stop scrolling social media and leave my phone on my nightstand. I then read, again, until I head to bed. Rinse. Repeat.

The hours that have been given are enough to accomplish our wildest goals. We just don’t have the discipline to get anything done.

III. They Don’t Chase What Makes Them Truly Happy

I believe, more than anything, that you need to figure out two things: your interests and what you’re good at. And then, how those two things intersect so you can profit off what you love.

This relates to my first point – stop looking for happiness in things that will end up in a landfill in 5-10 years. Instead, spend that money on exploring what you enjoy and what you’re good at.

Instead of upgrading your cellphone, enroll in a writing course.

Instead of upgrading your house, travel somewhere new.

Instead of upgrading your car, buy those luxury craft materials that will take your handmade product to the next level.

It’s such a simple formula but one that few rarely follow.

Determine what makes you happy.

Determine how you can keep doing that for as long as possible.

Concentrate on what matters. Stop allocating your time and money on the rest.

In summary, people ruin their lives because they lack focus, discipline and self-awareness. Although these are interconnected, I view them each as very distinct.

You need to focus on things that only align with your values, ambitions and aspirations. You need the discipline to put in the actual work to achieve the goals that you defined. And, most importantly, you need the self-awareness to know what actually makes you happy.






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